How To Be The Thanksgiving Guest Everyone Wants Back Next Year
So you’ve been invited to someone’s home for Thanksgiving. Now what?
Being invited to Thanksgiving dinner is a big deal. For most families it’s THE meal of the year. I know it is at my house!
But if you want to be a guest who gets invited back next year, here’s a quick guide to nailing Thanksgiving guest etiquette – from what to bring to how not to eat like a caveman.
Before You Ever Get There
The road to being a good guest begins before you ever arrive at the meal.
Whether the invitation comes by mail, text, or phone, be sure to RSVP as soon as you’re invited. Not many things will stress a host out more than not being sure how much food to have available.
By the way, when you accept the invitation, let your host know right then if you have any food allergies or sensitivities, so that they can plan accordingly.
If you want a return invitation….hosts are like elephants when it comes to memory – when next year rolls around, they’ll remember exactly who left them hanging.
Next, offer to bring a side dish or dessert. But if your host kindly declines, don’t show up with something anyway.
Some hosts have their serving setup planned according to the menu. If someone shows up with an extra dish, it can throw off their arrangement and add stress as they scramble to find space for it.
But – if your host accepts your offer to bring a dish, inquire as to whether or not you should bring it ready to serve or if it will be placed in a serving dish once you get there.
If you really don’t want to show up empty handed, something small and simple such as a candle, festive tea towel, or other token can show your appreciation without causing extra work for the host.
And lastly, please show respect and appreciation to your host with the way you dress.
You can still wear those stretchy buffet pants, but pair them with a nice top. Your host went to a lot of effort (and expense!) to provide a special meal for you. Showing up like you just rolled out of bed sends a very wrong message.
So put forth a little effort, look polished, and be ready for a wonderful experience!
Be punctual – arrive on time
Punctuality is key! Please, please, please respect your host’s efforts and be on time. And by all means, if something happens to delay you, let your host know.
I can just about guarantee that your host is following a set schedule and wants the food to be the optimum temperature when served.
It doesn’t take much of a delay for dishes to be ruined if kept warm for too long. Ask me how I know.
By the way, the picture above isn’t me and never have I ever had a turkey turn out so perfect looking.
Offer to help – then respect their answer
Don’t sit around waiting to be served or called to the table. Once you arrive, it’s polite to offer help with setting up or small tasks.
The host may give you something do or may respond that they have everything under control.
Be observant. Often times the person hosting a large meal is rushing around with last minute details. Don’t hinder the progress by being a distraction.
Here’s what to avoid:
- trying to carry on a conversation that requires the host’s full attention
- standing in the middle of all the action
- trying to sneak a taste
- don’t ask for a house tour
- don’t complain about what is being served.
Mind your P’s and Q’s at the table
Good food is only part of the recipe for a successful Thanksgiving gathering.
If you want to avoid the dreaded side-eye, you need to know and use basic table manners.
Here’s how to make sure your place at the table is remembered for all the right reasons.
- Wait for the eldest adult to take their seat, put your phone away, and don’t blow on your food.
- Don’t begin eating until everyone is served or until the host indicates that it’s time to begin.
- Place your napkin in your lap as soon as you are seated. If you leave the table, place it in the chair instead of on the table.
- Cut one bite at a time, take small bites and chew with your mouth closed.
- Avoid speaking with food in your mouth.
- Use the correct utensil at the correct time. Brush up on your knowledge if you’re unsure.
- Limit your portion size. Start with smaller portions to allow everyone to try everything. Going back for seconds is fine once everyone has had their first serving.
- Be quick to complement the food, but do so briefly. That allows your host to know that you appreciate the food without drawing too much focus.
- Help to make the table conversation light and pleasant. Avoid polarizing or divisive topics. Instead, ask questions (everyone likes to talk about themselves) or share stories. Print these free conversation starters if needed to get conversation flowing.
Offer to help clean up, but don’t force it
When it comes to cleanup, there are two kinds of hosts in the world – those who welcome all the help they can get and those who want to do it in their own way.
Offer to help clear the table, do dishes, or other tasks once the meal is over, but respect your host’s preference. Forcing help on your part can be more of an annoyance that seeming helpful.
TIP: Proper table clearing means that you always clear from the right, don’t scrape food from one plate to another, and don’t stack used plates at the table.
If the host declines your offer don’t do it anyway, no matter how much you want to help.
Show your appreciation
Of course you’ll want to thank your host before you leave, but following up with a quick message the next day shows genuine gratitude and can go a long way toward making you a welcome guest for future gatherings.
The moral of the story is that by following these “Thanksgiving rules”, you’ll help to make the day enjoyable for everyone, show your host how much you appreciate the invitation, and set yourself up well for an invitation back next year.
Great advice! The table is so pretty. I love all those little critters. I am really enjoying your blog. Thank you.
Great hints for a ‘Welcome Back’ next year. I also liked the s&p shakers and the way you handled the utensils. A great looking Thanksgiving Table.