How To Compromise Over Decorating Your Home When You Can’t Agree

Ever tried to decorate your home, but your better half isn’t on board with your vision? Navigating home decor with others can feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube—blindfolded.

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Do you suffer from, “WeCan’tAgreeSoWeDon’tDoAnything-itis”?

Juggling different tastes can be a real challenge. Here’s how to work together to create a space that gets the nod from everyone, without having to call in a mediator.

Sometimes, the trickiest part of decorating isn’t finding the right paint color or agreeing where the tv should go; it’s making sure everyone who lives in your home is on board with your choices.

Whether it’s your spouse, a roommate, or family members, balancing various preferences can create unwanted tension. Let me share some practical tips on how to reach a consensus without sacrificing style.

I’m certainly no expert in human relationships, but maybe you will find it helpful if I tell you how my husband (aka Pookie) and I have learned to resolve our decorating differences.  Let me tell you – it was quite entertaining to “interview” Pookie for this article.

Tip #1: Neither one of you can always be the chief.

This one kind of smacked us in the face early in our marriage.  Someone has to have the “authority” to make the final decision.  

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If not, you’ll either be stuck and do nothing – or if you force the situation, one (or both) of you may wind up feeling hurt, angry and/or resentful.

It’s all about learning how the art of give and take.  We both have different passions – mine is interior design and Pookie’s is all things cars.  

The basic agreement that works for us is that when it comes to the cars, yard and exterior of our home, Pookie gets 60% of the vote and I get 40%.

When it comes to making decisions about the interior of our home, I get the 60% and Pookie gets the 40%.  

Pookie and I agree that when it comes to making decisions about our home and cars, having this agreement in place is one of the best things that we’ve done as a couple.

Pookie weighs in: I recognize that the design of the interior of the house matters more to Suzy than to me.  I do care and have an opinion about it, but it isn’t my passion.  BUT – when it comes to cars, that’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax.  I’m joking – sort of.  

Tip #2: Be respectful on one another.

Any time there’s a disagreement, it can be extremely hard to not let our feelings and emotions get the upper hand.  When that happens, you have the perfect recipe brewing for a digging-your-heels-in kind of argument over decorating.

(A certain quote from a famous movie about no crying in baseball comes to mind here.)

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Remember that HE isn’t wrong and neither are YOU!  It’s simply a matter of each of us having our own opinions and likes and dislikes.  

Try not to take the difference of opinion personally and be respectful of the other person’s preference.  (I’m preaching to the choir here, btw.)

Pookie weighs in: There are times when we both have a strong opinion about what should be done, which for us, can lead to frustration, anger and bickering.  When that happens, we table the subject for a few hours (or days), then come back together for more discussion when we’ve both calmed down. It usually works like a charm, but sometimes it takes regrouping more than once.

Suzy says: OK, Pookie – let me interject something right here. Don’t you agree that it takes practice? We weren’t perfect at it in the beginning, but we have improved drastically! 

Tip #3: Recognize that you’re different genders. By nature you’ll approach things differently.

Oh boy, this one took me a looong time to realize and then ultimately accept!  Bottom line – a man’s brain is wired differently than a woman’s.  It just is.

I highly recommend reading the book, Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. It’s a great, fun read!

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We communicate and express ourselves differently.  You should have been here when we were discussing the paneled wall that I wanted to add to the dining room.  Talk about communication differences!

I realize this is a generalization and there are various degrees of these differences, but overall, I believe this can have a huge impact on most of our decision making in all aspects of life as a couple.

Pookie weighs in: When it comes to design, my desires are heavily influenced by the cost, functionality and engineering behind the design.  My preferences are more minimalist than Suzy’s. However – I love log cabin style!  I love rustic, stone, wood leather and carved bear statues. Oh yeah – and no throw pillows!!

Suzy’s view: Me?  I’d love to throw all those annoying concerns out the window.  I just want it to be pretty!

Blending masculine and feminine decorating styles is a big topic. More on it below!

Tip #4: Be Patient!

Don’t try to rush an agreement.  I’ve found that using inspiration photos from Pinterest often does a better job of getting my idea across than me trying to explain it.  

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Surprisingly, Pookie can’t read my mind and isn’t able to see the end result that I have in my head. Give the other person time to mull your idea over and think about it.

Pookie weighs in: When it comes to choosing colors, I only have eight crayons in my box, but Suzy has sixty-four!  To me, gray is gray, but to Suzy, gray is griege, gray is taupe, gray is blue-gray, etc. Then there’s light gray, dark gray, charcoal gray…you get the picture. We’ve learned that to resolve our disagreements over color choices, we should try lots of different samples and live with them for several days or weeks. We’ve always been able to find a good compromise, that we’re both happy with that way.

Suzy’s view: He’s right!  If it were up to me, the entire interior of our home would have been painted some shade of gray. Pookie didn’t agree, so the compromise was to find a beige paint color that had gray undertones.  We lived with a wall of large paint samples for weeks until we found one that we could agree on!  BTW – we wound up using Sherwin Williams Accessible Beige throughout our home. Glad you resisted me on that one, Pookie! 

Tip #5: But what if you just can’t agree???

Well…first of all, refer back to tips 1, 2 and 3.  I recommend having discussions that have nothing to do with a specific project, but will lead to a general agreement between the two of you on how to make decisions and handle disagreements when they happen.  

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Trust me – unless you are an exception to the rule – you will need to know how to compromise about what to do inside your home!

Pookie weighs in: Suzy is much more concerned with form over function, unless she realizes that considering the function is a requirement.  When I don’t agree with her design opinion, my first tactic is to remind her of the cost and why I believe her idea is impractical.  I’m an engineer, so I don’t have the creative brain that Suzy does.  But – ultimately, she has 60% of the vote when it comes to the interior of the house, so there’s always that.

Suzy’s view: Yes, I use my 60% voting power frequently, but I always try to consider your ideas.  You often have good suggestions, if I just listen!  When you truly have a strong opposing opinion about something, I do my best to find a compromise instead of going forward with my idea anyway.  Our home office is a good example. I wanted a small’ish desk that could float away from the wall. You wanted a very manly, massive desk that had lots of room to spread out and has tons of drawers.

Tip #6: How do you blend masculine and feminine decorating styles?

Not only are you doing your best to compromise and work together, you may also be struggling to blend masculine and feminine decor styles together.

Our home office is a prime example. This is Pookie’s office. It needed to be pretty enough for me, but masculine enough for him.

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It was more than just a taste difference – it was a gender difference! Blending masculine and feminine decorating styles requires a little finesse.

Can you identify the masculine and feminine parts of this room? It truly is a blend that worked so well for us.

• Identify the sticking points: start by reviewing each item you own, allowing each of you to vote on keeping, discarding, or reconsidering it. Then come together to discuss your findings. You’ll like be surprised to discover shared tastes and ideas that appeal to both of you.

• Start with a base: Whatever your color preferences are, I suggest staying with neutral colors for walls and large furniture. Then you’re ready to choose two or more colors that you’d both like to include for a total of three key colors.

• Avoid gender specific items: Your room’s decor shouldn’t be a one sided story. The key to decorating spaces that incorporate both of your personalities, is to add touches of both of you.

• Keep the eye moving: Inevitably, you’ll still have some items in the room that may not appeal to you. The trick is to keep the eye moving around the room so as not to bring too much attention to any one object or color.

• Mix up the details: Include one masculine item for each feminine item in the room.  That will give an equal balance to overall design.